No That Isn't ... Brunch

No That Isn't ... Brunch

When I met my husband he would make the strangest food requests. He would ask could I make him pancakes or variations of his homeland favorite the "Strammer Max". He often would plan late night outings to Denny's and explain how novel it was to have a place open 24/7 with breakfast all day. Our entire relationship revolved around food as we are both foodies. I am a girl of mediocre means who was raised on diners and meat and threes. I evolved into a bougie brunch socialite who preferred sparkling water, top rated wines and rare cuts of meat. My husband also of simple means began to navigate an elite world of tastings and chefs tables through avid travel. Together we have merged our loves into an affinity for breakfast be it a swank continental room service situation, to a weekend "breffus" table at home or a good luxurious Dutch brunch buffet. We really are aroused by a platter of smoked salmon surrounded by dill sauce and capers. Upon arrival here in Germany and every time I return from a place of brunch bliss I mourn the loss of it. Germany doesn't know what brunch is and I can't bring myself to explain it for the hundredth time. They are doing breakfast all wrong as it is because I don't know of anyone else who likes rolls with cold accouterments to start the day. No rye toast and lox doesn't match or a bagel or croissant. Even the iconic NYC egg & cheese on a roll is pleasantly buttered, warmed and served with an umami patina of bodega grill. There is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing pleasurable about day old Brötchen. And no I do not want sammich meats and milchkaffee. At this point I'll even settle for an Instant Pot English breakfast as it at least offers the savory and sweet accompaniment of baked beans.

I know I can go out and find semblances of American style breakfast platters and elegant tea room provocations of brotzeit aber all I want is thick cut French toast with real maple syrup. I would like it to be sourdough oder Hawaiian sweet bread serenaded by center cut bacon and link sausage. I would also like a salmon croquette or turkey burger slider with truffle fries and a hausgemacht aioli. But no I only have options like watery oats in a mason jar with overripe fruit or cold, undercooked bacon drawn in a diagram over muesli strewn toastbrot masquerading under Sylt zimtzucker. My absolute favorite is waiting 1000 years for sixty grams of orgagen pulp for 4,80€ and there isn't a Prosecco split anywhere to be had. Even the hotels claim to have all inclusive brunch spreads that rival the best in class but as it turns out there are just more room temperature cartons of fruit juice alongside the baskets of Brötchen. I love watching Germans collect their lil korbs full of them and you can hear them just pile em up like rocks in a stream. I long for the day where there will be something other than milchreis or pickled herring to impress. Can we get a real pineapple wedge or a seasoned breakfast potato medley? Perhaps a Neptune salad or maybe sliced mango? For now I do my best at home but most days I am sitting next to man who is perfectly fine with spreading hooved meat streich on käsebrötchen. I simply ignore him and try to keep last nights dinner inside my body while eating my 12€ Fruity Pebbles. Egal!