All These GD Bikes Everywhere

All These GD Bikes Everywhere

I recently wrote about being a bigger girl existing in Köln hier. And after I wrote that I went back several times to edit my typos as well as make the story more relatable to all people who do not fit societal norms. I had to do that because it was sort of rant after have had a hellish series of days trying to navigate Sülzhattan. My voluntary quarantine just ended so I really wanted to get back out there. I was trying to find all the best shortcuts for walking my dog as well as check out all the new spaces like our Spielhalle Aldi (and no it doesn't smell like cigarettes and bad decisions ... at least not anymore). Either way pretty much every fucking way around my hood is littered in bikes. And to be perfectly honest it was sort of a pastime to investigate which bikes had been there so long they were physically rotting away. Now it is a more a less a story of how and why a viable bike would be in multiple places at the same time. The sidewalks, streets and random corners are literally covered in bikes, scooters and as of late endless mopeds and motorcycles (even more of an eyesore). And a great majority of them aren't locked and some are locked just to be pilfered for anything on them that isn't. At the end of the day I can't get down the street without social distancing, being stared at and getting insulted due to all these got damn bikes!

My husband added to the problem by deeming his bike too expensive to repair so he rented one from a Dutch company named Swapfiets. And now there are exactly four of the same exact rental bike between our apartment and the cross streets nearby. These aren't the kind you release with an app or can drop off anywhere. These are actual bikes you can customize and rent month to month hence the name. One could make the assumption if you didn't recall where you put the damn thing and didn't lock it you could get it mixed up with another persons same bike. The bikes in this post image are mostly unlocked and there is nothing nearby that would suggest this is okay. There is no school other than a kita and kindergarten. There is no WG. They appear to be lined up zwischen family apartments and a senior community. He believes people are just randomly borrowing bikes and using them to get from point a to b. In other words the majority of these supposed bicycle thieves are merely just a drunk person saying here is a bike and I am going to take it wherever I want to go. Hence the majority of unlocked personal bikes throughout the city and especially so in Sülz and the Südstadt considering all our universities, sport vereins and bars. Once you combine the stolen with the rented along with the Mobike, Spinn, Rhingo, Ford, DB, KVB, Next, Lime, Tier and Bike abandonments it has really gotten out of hand. 

I guess it could be worse. It could be Amsterdam; a place where there are just too many people on fucking bikes against too many high people on foot. And I have seen an influx of bike traffic when walking about but it is nothing in comparison to idle bikes blocking the way. I cannot even walk my dog for the sheer amount of wheel less frames tied to poles and trees for nothing. There are so many that it is hard to decipher were they ever functioning bikes or are they some sort of public conceptual art display. There used to be an occasional sighting of fuddy old men going around accessing what was rusted out and or growing limbs. I used to watch them walk around with their clipboards and Stadt stickers. But no one has seen those guys, the hausmeister or our resident Oma in ages. So the kontrolling of out of order is now in itself out of order. And personally I am tired of trying to minimize myself and now my dog just to get into my buildings front door. It is almost easier and now safer for me to go underneath and enter through the tief garage than to wait for passerbys to get through the obstacle course that is me, long nosed cars, bins and abandoned bicycles. I cannot even believe my worry now is being bottlenecked on foot. I know that other cities have tried to minimize all these bike and scooter shares but I feel like Köln has just said fuck it. And with our little city of 1 million there just isn't a need. There is an over saturation and we need to be able to stay 1.5 meters apart. Nobody can do that walking through a sea of lonely bicycles. For fucks sake, take your cageless cage in your house and bliebt da!