Youlie 4th - I Am Not Celebrating

Youlie 4th - I Am Not Celebrating

The last time I celebrated the 4th of July was in 2005. The following year I had returned back to college full-time and also had three jobs. At the time I had no internet at home and I was scrambling to complete a read & respond to an online class assignment by midnight. I had several issues trying to do this but it became more about my awakening than the grade. I was reading "What to the Slave Is the Fourth of July?" a speech by Frederick Douglass. A man I had little to no exposure to in over eighteen years of formal education but only now during my second stent at a bachelors degree. What I had been told at home and by peers is that he was a man who was accustomed to being around white people. That his writings, narratives and so on had been influenced by them and what he had to say was void to people like us. And I do not blame the adults in my life for keeping it all from me because had I read this at a more impressionable age I may have become hardened or militant. I recall when I got to the deepest parts I lost power on my laptop and I was already in the edge of a public wi-fi signal. I lost most if not all of my commentary as this was a decade before auto save. Dare I say that entire situation was a wakeup call for never letting my computer die, failing to hit the save button or not having adequate wi-fi ever again. It was also the last time I would ever celebrate or acknowledge the day that is Youlie 4th.

You may find this harrowing speech listed as "Oration, Delivered in Corinthian Hall" and I won't link to it or display the text here. That is for various reasons from copyrighting to support of think pieces that are paraphrasing. It is totally up to you to find his work without bias or embellishment. Today there are quite a few audible readings done by great voices in the Black community of activists, artists and actors.  And there is much more commentary which pushes today's audiences to believe what was meant by the speech could be interpreted in a myriad of ways. For me the passage moved me to cry tears of naivety and frustration in a crowded mall on a Saturday night. I realized in that moment that I had been complicit in celebrating a day that was wrought with confusion and agony for my ancestors. We were still enslaved as others celebrated freedom with polarizing fireworks, crude dance and a menu of primitive foods that we were later given in the form of scraps. And I swear that was my only interpretation and I realized my entire life I had been doing the above albeit typically among family and Black friends. It took some time to completely remove the day from my calendar. I also learned of alternative ways to celebrate like Juneteeth almost a decade later. I also try not to discount others view of this day and if they want me to join them in their celebrations I am respectful and typically decline without a lot of discussion. Sometimes I have no choice but to endure fireworks or a celebratory menu and I don't put up a fight. But it is pretty rare that I even acknowledge anything is happening at all.

I typically relax on this day like I would on New Years Day. I do not want this day to be about working or productivity. I do not want this day to be remotely about serving or service. I may engage in self care where I dismiss things that may be important to others. And since moving to Germany the holiday as they call it is way more easier to ignore. But I do get an occasional text or a meme asking that I enjoy this day as if me and mines can call it ours. And in 2020 I am more or less telling people a lot of what Black and brown people are experiencing in terms of harassment, violence and the resurgence of videos of our deaths etc is too coincidental for us to ignore. While so many have become awaken like I did it is as if they are still dreaming that this is a shared day of celebration for all Americans alike. For many of us we live in fear as these events come to a head on this very day. So it all feels like a warning. Some say we should stay home in opposition, others say we should stay home for our safety and then there is the pandemic. And then there are those that feel we should celebrate the closing of beaches, the lack of festivities and the crumbling of the America that is supposed to be in process of being made great again. For me I am delighted to be far, far away and not having to regret my participation, lack there of or never get to see July 5th. So I ask that if you have the time to read Frederick Douglass' speech please do so and make the decision to raise awareness around a part of his legacy that gave so many of us true freedom. And next year if you can see it through celebrate that on Juneteeth in lieu of Youlie 4th.