Dear Black Lady ....

Dear Black Lady ....

I knew you wanted to talk to me from across the street. I witnessed you talk to a few people but you preferred me. And I know why. I am a Black lady too. Even in my mask I look safe and helpful. I get asked for money, directions and advice all the time. Unfortunately, there is only so much I can provide. I am here too. I get lost too. I don't speak this language either. But I will try to help you. I will listen to what you have to say because I too want people to listen to me. But there is a catch. The American in me would rather show you. I will take your Jehovah's Witness booklet. I will entertain your flyer about church or eyebrow threading services. If you want to go somewhere, I will physically walk with you. And I tried to. But you walked way too fast. And I don't walk like that ever. I want to see things. I do not want to catch more rain. I am not in any rush at any time. So if you don't walk with me and expect for me to send you in the right direction in whatever language you speak ... I am sorry but I won't. 

This happens mostly at Barbarossaplatz. Even with Black men. This particular instance happened yesterday. And I wanted to get on the train and head home. My train was coming and there was a light crowd. I figured if those people looked like mouth breathers I would just walk on down to the Afro shop. I really needed a new moisturizing cream for my hair. So when I realized you were waiting for me, I figured whatever you said would guide my path. My brain and feet were really tired. I had been everywhere but home all day. I desperately needed a shower. But you asked me where is the Afro shop auf Deutsch. I kinda like giving directions in Deutsch because it is gratifying when people understand and make it to their destination. I lied to you. I said I was going there too. But then you took off before I could provide the proper amount of lefts and rights. And it gets tricky because you may have meant the food shop or the beauty supply. And both are between two streets with no middle crossing. There are trains coming from nowhere around there. If you don't cross just so at the Currywurst & Pommes you have to go all the way down to the Bio store and then cross. And then you run into students, day drinkers and beggars. And I didn't want you to walk through that sea of people waiting for overpriced coffee or eating overpriced pho. But lady you just took off and thankfully we got caught by the bakery so I could explain the next steps and you confirmed with me and just kept on walking.

This is the sort of thing that makes me distrusting. Was she really lost? Was she sizing me up? Did she even understand me? I mean don't allow me to recite the GPS because it feels good when you actually speak Congolese? I was trying to help you. I didn't even want to go. And now I was walking trying to catch you because you seemed like you weren't going to take that left and cross at the rotes buildung. I told you to cross there, veer right and pass the Domino's Pizza. You acknowledged the pizza place and you even pointed. So how did you fuck this up!? I then began a silent prayer hoping you didn't cross at the tracks making me your murderer? Maybe you just went through Persia or worst Zülpicher getting lost even more? Maybe you went back to your flat and cried thinking no one will help you and you cannot even get a taste of your traditional foods or a proper wig in Köln. I am sorry. Maybe had you just slowed your pace we would have befriended each other and I would have braided your hair. Instead, my husband and I will have the Tropical BBQ Chicken on Klassik crust. Finally, a good take away. Yes, pun intended. I mean Dominos, pizza, take away * wink *.

I plan to be in that area on Friday. Maybe you will be around? My hair will be different as I have an appointment and I am meeting a friend. I also think it will be substantially hotter so I may have on less clothes. Maybe looking like that you won't wait for me across the street because I will look too young, immature or heathen like to be approachable. And that is fine too. But I swear to your God if you ask me where something is or how to do or get something and take off like the Coyote into the horizon I will not follow you. When I make up my mind that I need to go home and one of many connections to the Südstadt is pulling in I will ignore you like one of them. It is too hot to be trying to think about what tactics someone is using to convert me or traffic me or better yet have me join then in an involuntary race across cobblestone. I employ you to use Google products, dict.CC and common sense. Sis. I have been doing that since 2017. It is your turn now. Get your kochbanane and wig caps ... without me.