It Came and Went

 

It Came and Went

My goal was to stay up as long as possible. I figured the results would be immediate. I mean the early voting turnout should have determined a winner already. I've been looking at images of lines wrapped around polling centers for weeks now. I didn't think much about the candidates. I felt like everyone was voting to vote and was doing so with integrity. I don't challenge people about their choices. I always think let the best man win. If you combine that with enthusiasm and urgency among voters the outcome will be fair and swift. Well after trying to distract myself for hours on end I succumbed to sleep. I woke around 4am and went straight to my phone. At this point polls were still open and the numbers were slowly crawling in. Early in this process it seemed like things were already too darn close. I fell back asleep. I woke again around 6am and then 8am and finally at 9am. Each time I frantically found the phone where I had last dozed off. Not much had changed and the commentary around it all was far and few. Despair and embarrassment are the running themes. There is no room for celebratory reactions or cynicism or sarcasm. You cannot create content around uncertainty. There are no appropriate memes at this juncture. We can't have parties or drinking games - maybe Americans are hosting virtual events. Either way where is the joy in living through 2000 and 2016 all over again? Deep down we on all sides suspected things would be like this. However, we were disillusioned by the lead up. Overnight now, all polls closed, this guy has already proceeded in trying to intimidate the law. He has called it. He has jeered people for remaining in line or awaiting mail in counts. He doesn't seem to know what is right or wrong. He has no idea how any of this works. And we are all at the mercy of time. I am exhausted having tossed and turned all night. But I do not want to close my eyes again for fear of waking to something more disturbing than what was. I am in disbelief, an insomniac stupor and just as over it as everyone else. It was supposed to be a good night. Well, that came and went.