Mai Day May Day


Mai Day May Day

April was one of the worst months of my entire life. I abandoned everything for a full thirty days. I stopped whatever routine I had. I lashed out at those I love. I bought my domain and failed to post anything at all. Allow me to break down the breakdown...

Easter was hard on me ... my back suddenly gave out days before and shopping right up until the holiday wore me out. There was also all the scares of a lockdown within a lockdown stressing me. Eggs, eggs everywhere but I not a store to open to buy them! I needed that Thursday to cope and I am so thankful Mutti walked that back. I normally like to cook and entertain even with the pandemonium going on for the in laws. But for some reason that Easter weekend gave me way more anxiety than normal. Naturally, I pulled it off but I drank ,25L of straight vodka during dinner and slept about sixteen hours straight that next day. 

Oscar season is one the best times of the year. It is a quality time filled with movies and shorts. We get competitive about who is going to win and its like a date night every night. This year everything mimicked reality and there was no escape, entertainment or romance. Pretty much all fifty eight titles nominated had some agenda related to current social issues. It made the experience of watching and supporting daunting. Then after watching most of the nominated content the award ceremony was also disappointing. Not to mention we lost a full day with that long, useless overnight watch. 

I have been battling some unknown illness for months. My gut is no longer reliable. My body overall hates me. I sleep way too much. Generally, I just feel off. I've been running around most of 2020 trying to get some answers. In April, I went from having insane blood panel results, to an MRI/MRT to find out if I had a brain tumor to being basically being told everything is all in my head. Today I found myself placated with old news about things perfectly obvious about me and any medical professional mildly associated with people like me. I also realized I keep going to doctors and specialists and no one even touches me. I already hate the medical system as a whole here but I preferred the doctors that took me years to find. Now I feel I cannot trust them, science or my own intuition which just aids in my discomfort. Like maybe it is all in my head because being jerked around, egged on and sucker punched repeatedly actually does hurt. 

Things began to open in March and just like that all was reversed last month. It seemed as if Köln went test center happy versus operation vaccinate everyone. I wanted to run for the hills with all that happened between doctors, movies and schoko eier but I couldn't go anywhere without the jab. Then I thought even with the jab I would still be confined to the house until the jab became a real thing here. I began to plan a sabbatical of sorts where I could go back home, see my old doctor and as a consolation prize get vaccinated. Well with all of the above I got bumped up into the open access last Saturday. It was interesting to see that Germany is willing and ready to sacrifice old people and fat people before the masses. I can't complain about anything except for the wait time between shots. For Pfizer Bio Tech Comirnaty it is six fucking weeks. So much for going home or the beach or anywhere in between. But hey I got it and it wasn't Johnson & Johnson or Sputnik V. So I can say at least one thing went half way right in Ap.. but ahem that was May. 

So for the next six weeks I have to make the most of the new normal and half inoculation that is my life.  I have to get back into some sort of routine whether it is recognized or not. And Germany with all her shitty weather and random holidays in Mai should keep me on my toes. I also have that second jab date to look forward to and hopefully by then there will be some obnoxious, bureaucratic system in place that makes me feel good about it. Give me a cookie, 5G, a chip in my arm that I can wave to access a FKK beach of the 2.7 people Deutschland has impfangen ... geimpfung ... geimphed? Just put me somewhere far the fuck away from Aldi's, tatutatas and the litter of fallen or discarded surgical masks. If  it isn't a beach, make it a Walmart or a medical facility in a strip mall that has real Band-aids. 

Blessed be thy May. Ugh Hulu. Real wi-fi. Good commercials. Civilization in an uncivilized country. 

Thanks for reading, whoever you are wherever you are.